And no one knows… the things we’ve been through can never measure up to half of what I put you through

Last year at my summer job, there was this boy. I noticed he seldom ever talked to me and wanted to avoid me at all costs. He’d talk to everyone except for me and I hated it. So I began talking to him, testing him, flirting. We went out on ONE date before he went off to school. After that, we’d just talk online every so often or he’d text me sometimes to ask what’s up. Sometimes when he goes home for the weekend, he’d ask me out- but I seldom ever agreed. I don’t think I really “liked” him at first. I think I just liked knowing that he liked me. I didn’t pursue or try too hard because I knew it will fall into place sooner or later.

This summer, it did. We started hanging out a bit more… we’d watch movies, go to museums, walk around downtown, hang out during our breaks (we still worked near each other). And pretty soon, I began developing honest, feelings for him. Admittedly, I’d usually make my bail out at this point in the relationship where the feelings become mutual; the game of pursuit ends and you begin a new one. But for some reason, I didn’t this time. Oh how I wish I could tell my parents about this new guy in my life- but I don’t quite know how to break it to them. I really wish they could meet him and tell me what they think. I’m tired of going through it on my own without any feedback from anyone worth listening to.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s unhealthy because I sense that his feelings for me are much deeper than mine for him. I’m afraid that the day will come when our feelings will even out or that mine would surpass his. Then where would I be? The last thing I want to be is vulnerable- or dependent on somebody else. I’ve always been the type that wants to go through everything on my own. I’m just really afraid… before, I could go on a day without talking to him. I could go through nine days, actually without contacting him at all. But now, he’s like a constant plague in my mind that never leaves. I’m really afraid. I’m afraid I’m going to turn into those idiots that I hate so much.